3-30-10

March 30, 2010
I just got done eating supper. We had a meatball sandwich, fries, pea salad and ranger cookies. I also hand some apple juice and I could have had a milk., but I gave it away to the resident "hoarder! supplier." The food here could be ok if it was prepared right and had some seasoning. The food is commodity! institutional grade, so there is not much one can do for it.
Right now I feel pretty good. The last week it has been so hot on the unit and finally today after much complaining and calling regulatory agencies the AlC was finally turned on. It is too early to have the AlC on but when the windows cannot be opened there is no other choice. Tonight I hope to get some sleep, I have not had much lately.
I want to tell you about a couple experiences I have had the last two days. You see there is a friend I met in 2008 and lost contact with him for reasons I may discuss in the future. This person is a young male and he is very sweet, kind and special to say the least. He is bisexual and deals with a lot of bully types, in the community and within his family. He also has found it necessary to cut on himself so that he can divert the emotional pain he feels to something physical. Seems painful and different to me, but a reality to him. But then again I have never tried cutting and do not think I will either. I feel pretty bad emotionally myself from time to time, but my way of handling it is usually sexual, talking to friends, spending money or something similar.
Anyhow my situation here makes it tough for us to communicate because I do not have the newest form of communicating, text messaging, unless I ask some of my friends for their help, which I have also done. So the situation called for me to tell him more about my situation so that he could and would know how to call me when he wanted and when it is convenient for him to do so.
He is very shy and it takes him a while to actually speak about his realities and with over a year passing by I had to give him time to get used to and trust me. He has now opened up to me, similar to that of a cocoon and a butterfly. Anyhow he has the cutest way of speaking sometimes and he often speaks to me when he is very relaxed and his voice is so soft.
Anyhow yesterday he decided to sit on his front porch and all the while I could hear these beautiful chimes, ones that make non-stop angelic sounds. They were awesome and he confided that he likes to sit there so he can relax and also be very calm. Then he told me about his front yard and how it is a family tradition to plant beautiful tulips. The idea of the chimes and the flowers are heavenly, don't you think?
Then today he went to what he called the creek while he was on his cellphone and while there e was searchi g fo s 0 es 0 lace' e lowe garde . I do not hink i was a creek at all, the water was loud enough for me to hear it rushing and it sounded heavenly, a few times I thought maybe he would fa", trip or drop his cellphone in the water but luckily that never happened. Anyhow he also said ouch a few times as he navigated the water and its rocky bottom with his bare feet, now that is living.
He then informed me there was no fish, upon my questioning, but plenty of tadpoles in the water. And once he got the rocks he wanted to use he then accidentally dropped his phone on one of the rocks and the battery flew out and we lost contact, but he called me right back. I asked him at some point if the water was dirty or clear and he informed me he could see the bottom and yes the water was clear. I knew immediately this was unlike any creek I was used to growing up, in fact it sounded like a stream where the water runs clear. Needless to say this was a very exciting adventure for me, even if I could not be there, just the sounds and him telling me about it was awesome. Yes I have learned to live vicariously through others.
The whole experience sounds so carefree and innocent to me and it brings pleasant images and thoughts undoubtedly.
I just love it that my friend really loves and cherishes his friends and he has known one of his friends since he was in kindergarten and he could not imagine life without her. He is truly a wise soul and I feel a sense of peace and comfort when speaking to him and he makes my day when he finds the time to call and I always have a big smile on my face. I have told him that I hope we will remain friends as long as one of us is alive, he said he wants the same. When he or I has to go, we now tell each other we love each other. That is a very special feeling for me. The reality is that if you care about someone and their wellbeing, this is a feeling of love no matter how you twist it or turn it. A few of my other friends have met him by text of phone as well and I am all for that, a circle of good friends are hard to find. Together we stand divided we fall, right?
My sister once told me that the morning before her husband was killed in a train/car accident, there was a argument and they did not tell each other they loved each other before he left the house and went to work and subsequently they never got the chance again. He was a great guy and so when I have a chance I always tell others I care about that I love them. Some times people do not say it back and that sucks, but at least I know I tried.
I want to speak about friends for a bit. I prefer to know people of all ages, every age has something to offer and share. The youngest typically share what they feel and think based on a innocent perspective and that means they are answering from their innocence and limited worldly experience.
Wisdom and age is not always defining in the least. As adults we typically have the information of the world, politics, peer pressure, familial values and the daily grind all in mind when we communicate or share ideas or thoughts. This is filtered and not always real. If you seek worldly information or time tested ideas and theories older people have some ideas that can be helpful. In reality there is a need to merge the old school with the new school. Thats my opinion and I am sticking to it.
Intergeneration learning and direction is diverse and wise in my books. And who wants to be only around young or old people, I prefer a balance. Many times I have theorized that it would be cool if the older generations could somehow turn back time and we could get to know one another when we was kids and again when we are adults.
I guess I am stuck on the ideal that one could have a fairy tale youth, some how some way and maybe that is my problem. I want to be young and carefree and I feel like I have been successfully denied this and I want to have it so badly. I have tried to go back and relive this but the world does not understand and is unforgiving. There was a time in our world where kids could be kids and could make mistakes and not be hung out to dry for it, that time no longer exists. We live in a world that is nothing but retaliation and retribution and punishment. The standards we are held to as adults is high maintenance for sure. I often wish I could go back and live when Woodstock was alive and well, when people truly could live as free spirits. I have been accused of being a hedonist and there is nothing closer to the truth.
To my readers, as always If you have comments please post them and if you have questions that do not invade the privacy boundaries I have set I will answer them or if you would like me to speak on a certain topic let me know.
Until next time.