March 28

March 28, 2010

Well today I wanted to write something more uplifting and positive. So when I came to sit down I found the monitor was crooked and coffee was splattered on the screen. I asked the direct care staff to bring out the key to adjust it and so it could be cleaned. All this time we have had a key and I was able to ask staff for the same for one of our two computers, but suddenly we no longer have access to the key. It is just another one of those things that frustrates me. I think to myself even the smallest and simplest things have to go wrong in here.

A couple of weeks back a resident was in small group "therapy" where it is anything but therapy and he found himself so angry he came out of the room and punched the plexiglass out of the computer box. By the way the computers are housed in a metal security cabinet. Once the resident punched out the plexiglass, I guess he threw coffee on the monitor as well. The maintenance staff about a week or two later put new plexiglass in the computer box but did not think to adjust the monitor or clean it off. To me that is a sign of how poorly they do their jobs. Now it may take forever to get the issue corrected.

Then to make matters worse our printer eats up about every other piece of paper ran through it and if you are not ready to yank the paper out as it first appears after printing you will lose every piece you put in it. The feed mechanism is worn out and they claim they have fixed it over and over for nearly a year now all to no avail. This is the way every single thing works around here. The exception is when the staff need something repaired then they get right on the job.

Anyhow I wanted to tell you some more about me as a person, on a lighter and happier note. I really enjoy cars and trucks, driving them, repairing them at every level from engines to body work.

I also really enjoy people, meeting them around the globe, getting to know them on a deep interpersonal level, sharing their pains and their happiness. I think people are just plain curious, awesome and deep inside everybody is something very special. Just got to look.

I like to give hugs and be hugged. I like those hugs that are more like a squeeze, the ones with a back scratch or a rubbing of my shoulders. I also like the hugs that allow one or the other to lay their head on your shoulder. I like the hugs that make you feel warm, safe and special. The same goes for a kiss on the lips or cheek from a good friend.

A powerful exchange of intimacy truly has the power to drive away just about anything somber or sad. I did not get many hugs as a kid and I cherish them now as very precious. Where I live hugs are very hard to find and often they are given for reasons that are not loving and friendly, but more as some sort of sexual offering. Some men simply can not bring themselves to hug another man for interpersonal reasons and because others will think they are weak in some way.

I may have told you before that I have a 13 year old son who I try to see about every four months. 'When we do see one another I try to give him a signature sort of hug, a deep and lasting squeeze and one we joke about later on. I want him to remember my hugs. Most of his life up till about a year or two back I also kissed him on the lips as a show of love. Sadly societal codes and his own teen discomfort has put a stop to that. I miss trying to show my true love for him, in the best way I can. I also wanted to give him a sort of love that I missed out on as a child.

I have tried to let my son know that nothing in the world is more important that love, showing love and being loved, family and friends. I still believe in that today.

I grew up in the country where crickets sing all night and the stars are never masked by city lights. I got to hear the sounds of the country, not the sounds of cars, sirens, horns, trains, or neighbors who had no respect for their neighbors. I grew up where fields and pastures covered every area that what not taken over by homes, barns, grainery and implements. Beauty to me does not lie in a developed suburb or a neighborhood or the downtown businesses. Beauty lies in what is growing on the bare earth, whether it be flat lands, plains, or mountains or areas of water, creeks, lakes or oceans.

Beauty also lies on a country road lined with trees, a wooded area where children can safely walk and get temporarily lost and away from everything and everybody. As a young adult I would literally try to go for a drive in the country every chance I got and I would also park and get out of the car, walk around or just sit on the car or the bridge rails.

One of my favorite past times is walking in auto or implement salvage yards. There is so much to see, there is so much a car, truck or van can tell you, about how it was treated, what kind of life it had, who may have owned it and when its life ended.

Another pastime for me is auctions, garage sales and flea markets. That is another place where so much is said but no words have to be spoken. I love to buy, sale and look. There is something serene and peaceful about these events and I adore them about as much as going o vacation.

There is nothing like a drive off of the beaten path, a old two lane highway through cities that otherwise I may have never known existed. To see the small town folk, kids being kids, old dirt roads that trace in and out the town. There is nothing more exciting and fun than a spontaneous and unplanned road trip to nowhere. And it is fun to take a good friend if you can find a friend who is spontaneous and willing. Driving at night is also blissful.

I am not one who enjoys motels much. The only thing nice about a motel or hotel is a change of scenery and the sense that your out of the ball and chain of your everyday life. I do not like wasting my money on a motel and instead would prefer to sleep in the car and then continue to drive and the next day get refreshed and showered at a truck stop. I want to save my money for museums, amusement parks and a occasional good meal at a nice buffet line sort of restaurant.

I also just love test driving the newest and latest model car, truck and vans. There is nothing like a motorcycle to really make me feel freedom. I also like to stop at the tractor and combine dealerships and look around and get up in the cabs and check out the latest and the greatest.

I also just love test driving the newest and latest model car, truck and vans. There is nothing like a motorcycle to really make me feel freedom. I also like to stop at the tractor and combine dealerships and look around and get up in the cabs and check out the latest and the greatest.

I also enjoy looking at homes that are in construction or are just completed and being shown. The fresh new smells of construction, wood, tile, carpet, new appliances, staging furniture and more. I bet you would not be shocked if I told you that sight seeing is also a great experience.

I was raised Catholic and enjoyed the beautiful cathedral sort of churches, the stained glass windows, the rich look of new the interior, the marble, the pews and all the other things o e y ical y sees i a big cue. e e is so e i g a a church has hat is healing or the soul and I am not sure I am speaking in a spiritual sense either. For the record I am about as distant from God at this point of my life as I have ever been, but I do not mind spending time in his house and I love southern and contemporary gospel Christian music. I also prefer a church that is free and alive in the spirit. A church that gets the blood pressure flowing and keeps you from falling asleep. A revival, now that is something I secretly yearn for. It takes a lot to get my faith and spirit alive and I seek that out if at all.

The parks, I love those too and the Zoo and museums. These are all wonderful places, places where I feel free. I do enjoy the swings, tetter totter, slides and merry-go-rounds, jungle gyms and more where they are available. There is no reason kids should get to have all the fun. These play things can and will hold me too. And I like to bring a camera along so that I can capture the moment forever.

I also like a four wheel drive whether it be in a car or truck, it does not matter. I like mud and shallow muddy ponds. There is nothing like a day in the muddy slop and the possibility of getting stuck and being high centered I really enjoy taking someone with me that is a little bit timid of a super good time at mudding as well.

I am not particularly intimidated about a breakdown on the highway or a road trip either, so long as the situation is somewhat temporary and I can fix the problem. There is nothing like a unplanned adventure.

I once told my ex-wife that going to jail, prison, hospitals and group homes has one good element, you never know who you will meet and whether they will be interesting, your best friend or whether they will teach you something new or exciting. That being said many people have not had the privilege to see and experience a lot of what I have experienced. But then again I would not wish most of it on a worst enemy either.

I really enjoy stopping by soup kitchens, homeless shelters and the like. There you meet those people who often have story to tell and they are not amassed by the riches of life, instead they focus on survival and living day to day. What they can and will share with you is very different from what you might hear from your friends on a day to day basis. I have spent the night in these places as well, that has not always been a grand experience but it was livable, cold and often a bit scary at times.

Then there is also the community Water towers, I love to climb them if possible and I also like to read the "graffiti" that people have shared and left there. This can be at best dangerous but always worth the climb and effort.

I also enjoy reading what people write on bathroom stalls, trees in the park, park benches' and other areas people and our youth commonly put their emotions and thoughts. I have called the numbers that are left behind on my cellphones, but mostly those numbers are nothing more than pranks.

I like to drive to cemeteries and look at big fancy headstones and family crypts. There seems to be a lot of energy there and at the same time a sense of peace. Sometimes I wonder who and what is buried there, are their bodies still there or has time caused them to be nothing more that dust. The only cemetery that I do not like to visit is the one my first son is buried in. The reality is that it was a very sad and overwhelming event and the last time I was their I still could not stop the tears and sadness from flowing. He is buried in a place of nothing but babies, the area is beautiful, but the horrible pain of losing a child is not. That has got to be the single biggest emotional pain and suffering anybody could ever have to take on.

I do enjoy a clean house, apartment, trailer house, camper, vehicle or whatever. I have stayed in all of these. And I always made the best of it. I would say that I have often felt and lived as if I am a perfectionist. That has changed in the last several years, but it was once my thing and I would likely return if I was ever allowed to live on my own again.

I like nice couches, recliners, wall and other types of decorations and adornments. I like luxury and big televisions, stereos and what not. I like a nice big family table for eating and nice dishes. I like cabinets and a refrigerator that contains both h healthy and not so healthy foods. I also like a home cooked meal and I also like to invite people to come and eat with me. I enjoy picnics as well.

I enjoy a nice family and friend get together whenever possible. I do enjoy family time a lot.

I also love music a lot, just about any kind of music. I do not like old women who scream Opera to the tops of their lungs. I get a headache from that. But otherwise just about anything that involves singing and/ or instruments is music to me ears. I like a multitudes of music from many generations as well.

As always If you have comments please post them and if you have questions that do not invade the privacy boundaries I have set I will answer them or if you would like me to speak on a certain topic let me know.

Until next time.